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another dumb, numb day.   
11:11pm 04/10/2004
mood: blah
Today I went to delta, went to class...sat there forever by myself. Kind of like how every day goes now.

(1 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

remind me to never drink alone.   
05:40pm 03/10/2004
mood: melancholy
last night i worked
then i came home and got wasted
beyond comprehension
by myself and forgot how
much i actually drank.
I threw up 3 times in my room
last night
and had dry heeves this morning.
It made me nothing but more lonesome
and more depressed.
Someone help.

(3 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

09:22pm 01/10/2004
mood: thanks to senses fail
I can't describe how much I love senses fail.
They put me in the best mood when I am at the worst.

(for the cameraA>)

I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy....i think my mask of sanity is about to slip.   
11:21pm 30/09/2004
mood: lonely
Blair and I watched American Psycho today.
I worked for 6 hours and homicide and suicide seemed like the perfect answer.

I have to get something off of my chest.
I have been really depressed lately. I go in and out of these phases and it's to the point where I am ready to just give up. I feel like crawling inside of a hole and not coming out for a long time.
I am a very jealous person. I am jealous of just about every one of my close friends. There are just so many things I wish I could change about myself...and I can't. It's not fair. I feel useless to myself and others.
I think I need to food addicts pamphlet Blair. My 15lb goal isn't looking so good I fucking hate it when people try and pretend they don't like something...when in reality they do, they're just trying too hard to be different. I don't know how else to explain it. But it bothers me.
Someone help.

....this confession has meant Nothing.


(1 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

12:11am 30/09/2004

(3 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

01:47pm 28/09/2004


(4 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

"That was intense!"   
09:26am 25/09/2004
mood: nostalgic
So, the other night I saw Sense Fail, Silverstein, the Bled and Emmanuel at St. Andrew's Hall. We got to Detroit at about 5:30pm or so. There weren't very many people there when we got there. We decided to try and go to the bathroom in a bar...BIG MISTAKE. Some old drunk man was at the counter and was saying something about "the girls with the boys and the boys with the toys." I tried to ignore him and then we followed the dark hallway down and the bathroom was around the corner. It was just a little too creepy seeing that there were only 3 old men in the bar at the time. So we wanted to get the fuck out of the place and we decided we could just hold it in. On the way out the fucking old assbartender was saying, "You girls look so cute and sweet...why don't you sit down and have a pop." We all just ignored him and got the hell out. Then we went to wait in line.
They let us in at a little ofter 6:30. We stood on the right side of the stage up against a baracade, that would later completely smash my back and puncture my sides. The band members had to walk past us to get to the stage. I saw Garrett on stage. We figured that he had to have walked past us to get on stage. I was furious. I have quite the crush on him. So, anyways, he sat on stage during Emmanuel. They were really good. During their set I looked back and saw Dan the drummer of Senses Fail Standing a little bit behind us. I thought Blair had seen him and said, "I want to get a picture with him." So i said, "Who Dan?" and she had no clue what I was talking about. I told her to turn around casually. She saw him and a little while later she called him over. We both got a picture with him. For some reason, I am VERY intimidated by him. He is like, 3 years younger than me, so I don't know why, but I didn't know what to say to him, so after I got my picture with him we just sort of stood, there..silent. He stood around for a good 30 seconds, and I think he was waiting for us to talk to him..but I didin't know what to say!!.
Anyways, after that ordeal, the Bled came on and put on a awesome show.
After them Silverstein played.....it was wonderful. I was a little saddened becasue I hadn't met Garrett. It was sort of putting a damper on the night.
So after Silverstein, came Senses Fail. It was great, except for the fucking moshers and crowd surfers. There were a few boys standing in front of us, blocking the moshers from us...I loved them for that. There were a few times where I was smashed up against the railing. That was enough for a sore rib cage and back. During the last song, Dave and Garrett climbed on top of the speakers and played their guitars. We think Garrett was afraid of heights because he was slowly climbing the speaker and kneeled the whole time, while Dave climbed up and stood there playing. I know I would have been scared! Of course, my camera decided to mess up and instead of having 36 exposures, i only had 29.
After the show was over we waited around a while. We saw the members over by their merch table talking to people. We talked to Buddy first. That guy makes me like the band more and more everytime. He is just so friendly. It was funny when he accused Ashlee of being drunk! After that, some guy walked up to Ashlee and handed her a guitar pick of Dave's...i was SOOOO jealous. She was nice enough to go ask the guy if he had more. Luckily he did, he gave Ashlee Mike's guitar pick, which she gave to me. Later on he came up to us again and Blair and I both got a pick of Dave's.
We saw Dave walking around so Blair got a picture with him. He wasn't very friendly:(. He just kind of got the picture and turned around and walked away. I was SO excited, because I play guitar, and to get a guitar pick of a band I love is the greatest thing ever to me. So Blair and Lindsey went to the bathroom, so Ashlee and I decided to talk to Mike. While I was talking to him...he seemed to be staring at my chest the whole time. And it wasn't casually, it was for a long noticable time. I was talking to him about how we saw them in Grand Rapids. He kept asking me if I had a good time. I turned around after a while and he said something and I didn't hear him. He told me that it meant a lot that I came to the show and gave me a big smile.
After that, I was completely devastated. All the boys were out except Garrett. I was standing there, sulking and I looked over and I saw him. Garrett was staninf about 5 feet away from me. I turned to Blair and we walked over to him. People kept walking in front of me when I would try and talk to him. Pretty soon the security guard was saying okay, last autograph everyone out. So I hurried up and asked him if I could get a picture. We took one and I said You guys were so awesome, and he said thanks and we had to leave. I was sad because I didn't get to talk to him, and he wasn't that talkative either. We think he's shy. But the fact that I met him completely turned my night around. I got my pictures back and I'll have to post them as soon as the other computer is fixed.
It was a great night and I can't wait to see them again in January!:)

(for the cameraA>)

So the light now is my weapon.   
11:55am 23/09/2004
mood: anxious
Today I am going to see Senses Fail, Silverstein, The Bled and Emmanuel. I have to fucking drive now. I fucking hate expressway driving. But you gotta do what you gotta do. I had better fucking meet Garrett for all the fucking shit that's happening!
I got my bangs chopped yesterday. I feel like Ashlee Simpson, but that's okay...I guess.
I'll give you what hopefully is a very awesome review of the concert tomorrow. Wish me luck!

(2 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

11:22pm 19/09/2004
mood: shocked
this is quite possibly the best AIM conversation I have ever had.

ABlooody Romance: Hi
hipvrob: whats goin on
ABlooody Romance: not much! i saw you guy last week in detroit...you guys wer awesome! i doubt you remember, but it was my b-day and joe forgot my name on stage! haha
hipvrob: whats your naem?
ABlooody Romance: Nikki
ABlooody Romance: we talkedt o you outside of the shelter....you talked to my friend on my cell phone haha
ABlooody Romance: it's no big deal that you don't remember, i just wanted to say that you guys did an awesome job and I can't wait to see you guy again with Matchbook Romance:-)
hipvrob: yeah i remember
hipvrob: i know whats up hehe
hipvrob: never forget a cute face0
hipvrob: hehe
ABlooody Romance: hahahaha
ABlooody Romance: suuure! you have no clue do you? hahaha
hipvrob: no i do
hipvrob: but i gotta get goin
hipvrob: i'll see you nov

(3 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

10:11pm 19/09/2004
mood: excited
Name on Birth Certificate: Nicole Joy Schulte
Birthday: September 13
Age: 20
Mommy's Name and Age: Janis, 48
Daddy's Name and Age: Jeff 49
Have any brothers/sisters: yes
What's their names and ages: Brian, 24
Shoe size: 8 1/2
Height: 5'6
School: Delta College
Grade: sophomore year in college


Color: blue
Number: 11
Letter: Z
Sport: Hockey
Day of the Week: saturday
Season: fall
Teacher: N/A
Subject: Writing
Animal: Cat
Cereal: fuity pebbles
Ice-Cream: vanilla
TV Channel: Lifetime?
TV Show: Friends, Seinfeld
Movie: too many
Song: too many
Sesame Street Character: N/A
Rugrat: N/A
Character Residing in 100 Acre Woods: N/A

-*ThiS oR ThAt*-

Real World or Road Rules: Real World
MTV or VH1: Don't really watch either one
Nickelodeon or Disney: Disney
Jessica Simpson or Ashlee Simpson: Ashlee
Hilary Duff or Haylee Duff: Fuck off
AOL or AIM: Aim
Day or Night: Day
Light or Dark: Light
Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset
Crayons or Colored Pencils: Crayons
Beach or Boardwalk: huh?
Mall or Movies: depends on the movie
Boys or Girls: Boys

-*TrUe Or FaLsE*-

You'd take a bullet for a friend: True
You'd die for love: false for now
You'd kill for your best friend: True
You'd kiss your best friend: maybe if i was drunk enough?
All is fair in love and war: false :-/

-*In ThE pAsT mOnTh, HaVe yOu*-

Drank alcohol: no
Smoked cigarettes: No
Done drugs: No
Went to a party: no
Cried: Yea
Lied to your parents: no
Got into an argument with a friend: maybe a small one
Got into a fight: no
Been to the movies: Yeah
Been to the mall: Yeah
Broken the law: no?
Fallen in love: saddly, no


Who's your best friend: Blair
Who would you choose between your best friend and all your other friends: huh?
Who's your other friends: Ashlee, Lindsey
Would you take your family over your friends: depends on the situation
Do you think you will stay friends with all of your current best friends: yes.
How many people do you think you'll stay friends with in 20 years: who knows
Do you trust all of your friends: yes
Can you laugh with all of your friends: yes
Do you love all of your friends: Yep

-*ThE LaSt*-

Friend you went somewhere with: blair
- - where'd ya go?: the mall
Friend you had a sleepover with: blair
- - who's house did you sleepover?: hers
Argument you had: N/A
IM you recieved: Stefania
Word you said: kitty
Person that signed on: Rob from Hidden In Plain View :(
TV Show you watched: Chappelle's show
Movie you saw: Wimbeldon....HORRIBLE, don't go see it
Song you listened to: 187 by senses fail

-*LovE LiFe*-

Single or Taken: single
How long: --
Are you in love?: no
If Single, who do you like?: Garrett Zablocki
How long have you been single?: TOO FUCKING LONG..
Do you want a boyfriend?: severely
Who was your first kiss?: Chris
Have you fallen in love?: no
With who?:
-*YeS oR n0*-

Do you believe in God?: Yes
Do you love your life?: Yeah, for the most part
Do you smile a lot?: Yes
Do you live your life spontaneously?: Sure
Are you the life of the party?: no

-*What comes to mind when you hear*-

..snow?: happiness
..rain?: peace
..tornado?: death
..summer love?: fuck off
..banana?: yellow
..dizzy?: sick
..white?: black
..peppermint?: the white stripes
..New Found Glory?: sell-out.
..orange juice?: breakfast
..brother?: brian
..hate?: buddy from senses fail
..school?: fucking hell
..President?: Kerry
..football?: jicks
..sex?: Garrett
..death?: scary
..baby?: maddy and aubrie
..duuude?: wheres your car?
..the end?: my only friend

-*would you rather*-

Free movies for a year or free CDS for your life?: cds
School or work?: work
Christmas or birthday?: birthday
Peanut Butter M&MS,Regular M&Ms, or Peanut M&MS?: peanut butter
Dozen Roses or 3 boxes of chochlate?: roses..i hate chocolate
Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts?: julia roberts
Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise?: brad pitt
Vanilla Pepsi or Vanilla coke?: vanilla pepsi
American Eagle or Abercromie and Fitch?: neither?
Driving or flying?: driving
Roller skating or ice skating?:skating
Apples or oranges?: apples
Paris, France or Florence, Italy?: paris
Punk'D or The Newlyweds?: Newleyweds
Jay Leno or David Letterman?: both
New York or LA?: new york
AOL messenger or MSN messenger?: AIM
Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt or J.LO/Ben Affleck?: Jen/Brad
Ralph Lauren or Tommy Hilfiger?: don't care
leaf raking or snow shoveling?: leaf raking
black pen or blue pen?: black
WalMart or Target?: wal-mart
picnic under the stars or horse carriage in the park?: picnic under the stars
chochlate chip cookies or peanut butter cookies?: chocolate chip cookies
Kobe Bryant or Shaq?: neither
basketball, baseball, or football?: neither
French fries,curly fries, or tator tots?: french fries
Ben Affleck or Matt Damon?: matt
Phoebe, Monica, or Rachel(off of FRIENDS)?: phoebe

(for the cameraA>)

Killed By Boredom.   
10:52pm 17/09/2004
mood: bored
What is your name? niki
When is your Birthday?: Sep. 13
What is your zodiac sign?: Virgo
Where were you born?: Owosso MI
Where do you live now?: Chesaning MI
What colour are your eyes?: brown
What colour is your hair?: real color is brown
How tall are you?: 5'6
What is your race?: white?
What is your worst fear?: bees, heights
Do you smoke?: no no
Do you drink?: not too often
Do you cuss?: yes, quite often
Do you use drugs?: nope
Have you or will you ever steal?: no and who knows.
Who last hugged you? Joe Reo from Hidden In Plain View!!:)
Are you dependable and/or trustworthy?: i hope people think that
Do you play in a band or play an instrument?: I play guitar
Do you have any tattoos and/or piercing?: 2 ear piercings and a nose piercing
If you had a favourite serial killer who would it be?: Patrick Bateman from the book American Psycho
Do you suffer from any disorder? not that i know of
If you had a choice about how you wanted to die what would it be?: ?
Have you ever purposely caused harm to yourself or someone else? no
What subculture do you belong too?:...
Are you evil?: no
Do you believe that you can be possessed?: mmm..i guess
Are you a paranoid?: sometimes
Do you ever get jealous of somebody else?: yes
Are you obsessive and/or compulsive?: about some thigns
Are you a violent person?: no
Do you take your anger out on other people?: not intentionally
Do you blame other people for your mistakes?: probably
What is your favourite game?: don't have one
What is your favourite movie?: too many to name
Who is your favourite band?: as of rightn ow senses fail and hidden in plain view
What kind of books do you read? a lot of different ones
What is your favourite colour?: blue
What is your favourite food?: too many to name
What is your favourite drink?: m.dew.
Do you skateboard?: i tried
Do you watch wrestling?: no
Do you own a pair of converse?: yes, 2
Do you own a pair of dickies?: no
Would you ever kill yourself or someone else? I'll put it in the words of Buddy Nielson "i'd rather hurt someone, than hurt myself"
Do you like biting?: biting what?
Do you watch pornography?: nope
Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual colour?: not too unusual
Are you hyper active person?:nah not really
Do you like to write poetry?: used to!
Do you like modeling and/or acting?: not really
Are you religious?: nah
Do you stand for originality and creativity?: huh?
Do you believe in vampires?: nah
Does pain turn you on?: no
Have you ever played a oiuja board or used tarot cards?: haha yes
Do you like to rave or go to clubs often?: no
Do you go to many concerts?: YES
Do you like meeting new people and hanging out?: ehh..it's okay
What do you like most about life? my friends and music
What do you dislike most about life?: fuckfaces
Do you think these questions are stupid?: it's all good
Do you think this quiz sucks?: read the title of this entry.

(for the cameraA>)

i wish I was crazy so I could dance with the people who give me pills.   
10:11pm 16/09/2004
mood: depressed
So lately, I have been questioning myself WHY can't I meet someone....more often than I already do. It's just depressing to find myself in class...when all the other people are talking amongst one another...and then there's me. I don't make friends very well....but really am i THAT avoidable...to where not one person can't talk to me? Even when I try to talk to other people it's like there's a warning sign above my head that reads "don't talk to her!" It's strange.
Also, I've been thinking a lot about what's going to happen in the future. Will I be happy...will I ever meet someone? I sat and listened to a conversation my mom was having with my aunt one day. My Mom was talking about the "beautiful" towels she bought at Meijer's. I mean...will I really find towels to be beautiful one day? Cause I mean, right now it's just something to wipe my hands with. It's just amazing to think of how a person's interests change. And it's also amazing how depressed I get. I just wish someone would come into my life and just change it completely. I mean I love my friends and I don't know what I would do without them...but they can't really give me what a boyfriend can. I am not asking for a fucking proposal...a simple heartfelt compliment from the opposite sex that I have feelings for, would be fantastic. It just seems completely unimaginable. I just wish something wonderful would surprise me about the idea of love, cause as of right now I think it sucks. And I don't want to feel that way about love cause it's supposed to be a beautiful concept and BLAH BLAH BLAH. So, is it too much to ask to find someone to help me change my mind? Cause everyone else has. And another plus of being in love is that this will be the last depressed entry of mine that you'll have to read if you're even interested in reading my journal...if it hasn't become predictable.
I am done.

(for the cameraA>)

cold concrete cuts against her back.   
11:05pm 15/09/2004
mood: fat
The last couple days haven't been too exciting.
I got my pictures back from the Hidden In Plain View concert. Very awesome. I will have to scan and post once I get the other computer back cause this one is a piece of junk.
My stomach hurts so therefore i am going.

(3 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

Birthday Wishes from Hidden In Plain View and a Bum.   
11:19pm 13/09/2004
mood: loved
So last night Lindsey, Jonnelle, Ashlee and I all went to Detroit to see Hidden in Plain View at the Shelter. We left at about 2:30 and got to the Shelter at 4:30. The doors didn't open until 6:30. So, we had a couple hours to kill.
We were waiting behind the building for about 20 minutes and we saw a van with a trailer hooked to it and we joked around about it being Hidden in Plain View. It pulled behind the building and sure enough I saw Rob, the guitar player sitting in the passanger seat with Chris the bass player in the driver's seat. After a couple minutes four out of the 5 members piled out of the van and began unloading their equipment. I noticed that their singer, Joe, was not with them. Since it was my birthday the next day, we decided we would try to get them to say happy birthday to me on stage. So, Jonnelle walked over to Spencer (her little drummer boy;) and asked him to say Happy Birthday to me. Then Rob asked her how old I was and she said 20 and he said "SHE'S LEGAL!" So then Jonnelle pointed me out and told them which one I was. After that they started to pull away. We were all thirsty as hell. There was a pop that one of the members had left on their trailer and as they were driving away, Lindsey grabbed it off of their trailer and we passed it around to drink. Yeah, it's a little discusting, but we were dying as well.
So then, another van pulls up and people start piling out. I see Joe, the singer of Hidden In Plain View come out of the van putting on flip-flops. I was overwhelmed with excitment. I try not to act like I am at a Backstreet Boys concert, but he's gorgeous. So, he walks by us and says "Hi" as I stare back in complete dumbfoundedness. He went inside the building to unload equipment. Then, Ashlee and Lindsey wanted to go back to my car and get the cheese and crackers they left there. So I gave them my keys.
I saw Joe walk out and he started to talk on his cell phone. I told Jonnelle I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't know what to say. He was talking on his cell phone forever. Then Ashlee came back without Lindsey and said Lindsey went to get a bottle of water...in downtown Detroit. Crazy girl
Anyways, Joe finally got off his cell phone and I finally got the balls to go up to him. I said his name and he turned around. I asked him if we could get a picture. He said "yeah, definitely. So I reached in my purse and got my camera out. we posed but Jonnelle didnt know how to work it, so while she was figuring that out, Joe began squeezing me nito him and swaying back and forth. I was in heaven for about 5 seconds.Then jonnelle took the picture and I didn't see the flash go off. I was trying to figure out if it worked. Joe kept saying if it didn't we can take another one. So I jumped at that opporitunity and took another. Lindsey came back with her bottle of water saying that she went into a bar to get it and all these guy were harassing her in the bar and asking her to jump on the table and do a lap dance. I said that Detroit is too scary to go by yourself and to stick with someone else. Joe agreed and said that he thought Detroit was very scary.After I took Jonnelle's pic with him he looked at Jonnelle and said " i feel like i've met you before...did we meet at Warped Tour?" and Jonnelle said "No, I didn't meet you but i saw you guys," and I said "i met you at Warped tour" as he shook my hand and he just stared at me shaking his head and said I don't remember. So then he asked us all of our names and repeated them back to us and when he got to me he said " ican't remember it's going in and out!" and i said "NIKKI" and he's like oh yeah. So then they told him it was my birthday and i was 20 and Ashlee said he looked me up and down and smiled. (that made me happy) So then we talked some more and then he went inside.
After that Rob came out and we started to walk towards him and these 12 year old looking girls plus their aunt who drove them there walked up to him and said "it her birthday and I drove her here just to see YOU!" So, he took their picture and then he just sort of stood there. We walked up to him and I said hi. He said hi and pointed at me and was like "Happy Birthday!" and i was like THANK YOU! so then we took a picture and I called Blair and he was nice enough to talk to her for a couple minutes. After that we talked about the movie 8 Mile and how some of it was shot at the Shelter. Then he went back inside.
We decided to go wait by the door. There was probably 10 other peopl there by 6:00. They finally opened the doors at about 6:30. We got inside and I was so amazed at the size of the place. It was so small!
We walked around for a while and Jonnelle stopped Spencer again and asked him if he remembered her from the Warped Tour. He was trying so hard to remember, but sadly couldn't. He then turned to me and was like "Hey, isn't it your birthday?" and i said yes and he said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" and gave me a great big hug which was totally unexpected because last time I met him he seemed not as social...but i am NOT complaining!Then the first band played. To be honest, I don't even remember what they sounded like because I was so anxious for HIPV.
I met Stefania there and we talked for a while. Then we met Chris and got a picture with him.
The only one i didnt meet yet that day was Mike, who wasnt out very much or often.
Don't Look Down played next. They were awesome.
Next was Hidden in Plain View. I was so stoked. I was right up to the stage which was nothing more than a platform about 10 inches off the ground. There were no baracades to hold the crowd back, which was awesome.
They set up and started to play. The way they interacted with the crowd was awesome. Then Joe started to say "Okay, before I forget, I want to say Happy Birthday to a couple of people.." and he went on to say 3 people's names...all of which we NOT mine. I was very sad. Meanwhile, Ashlee is pointing at me and saying JOE! JOE! He kept looking my way but wasn't saying anything. So after a couple more songs Joe said, "I know the birthday segment is over, but I have one more," i figured...Oh this will be me!....NO he said someone else's name. At that point I thought it was funny so i was laughing. Ashlee is screaming Joe's name to get his attention. But, sadly, he didn't hear her. So a songor two later in between songs i hear Joe say "hey!" and I just looked up out of a reaction and he was looking at me. He said, " I forgot your birthday....I'm such an asshole! But I don't remember your name!!! Is it Jonnelle?" I said NO and he said "is it Ashlee?" and I said NO!! So anyways both him and Rob said Happy Birthday to me. And they played 20 Below. I was singing the words and Rob got in my face and screamed "WHOOO!" I started laughing. About part way through some asshole started moshing and ppushing EVERYONE that was up front.People were literally falling on the stage. Joe got this look of anger in his eyes and just glared at this kid. The kid jumped on stage and Joe shoved him right back off. After they werte done with the song Joe said, "Stop pushing, there people up front arre getting hurt!" and the kid replied with "Oh, they're just not having fun!" and Joe said "Yeah, I can tell they're not having fun I can see it in their faces," After that, he stopped pushing. Then they were all done.
I saw Joe standing over off to the side of the stage so Jonnelle and I went over to talk to him. I looked at him and was shaking my head and smiling. And he was like "I'm SO sorry! I knew it was your birthday but I couldn't remember your name so I was just being dumb! I AM DUMB!" Then he turned to Jonnelle and was like "Help me out!" and she was like "NIKKI" and he was like "OMG IT'S SO EASY!! I HATE YOU..IT'S TOO EASY!" He said "Well, Happy Birthday Nikki!" and gave me a big sweaty hug and many apologies.
Then Stefania came up and said she wanted another picture with Mike because her other one didn't turn out, but she was too scared to get him and asked me if I would. We saw him sitting behind a curtain so I asked him to take a picture with them. She was nice enough to let me take a picture with him because I was out of film! (thanks Stefania!)
We then walked over to the merchandise booth and started looking at the merchandise. Joe came over and stood right next to me and I felt stupid because I wanted to talk to him again. Ashlee started to talk to him and that broke the ice. I said to him "hey, what's my name?" and he said "nikki". We started talking about names and he was like...There are a lot of Nikki's out there! But I can remember Ashlee cause it's my brother's gf's name...but Nikki is cute!" Ashlee was like AWWWW! ahhahaha. We started talking about his pants and he said he had worn them 6 shows in a row. Then he started talking about his shoes. He asked us if we knew what they were. I didn't know what he meant so I was ready to say SHOES? but then Lindsey was like, "pot leaves?" and looked down and saw that the pattern on his shoes were pot leaves. and he was like "IT'S WEED!!! SHHHHHHH!" and started being goofy. We were all laughing so hard. Then he went outside and soon we did as well to leave. Although a bum walkedup to us and said something about a birthday and lindsey waslike "IT'S HER BIRTHDAY!" and the bum was like HAPPY BIRTHDAY...i wish i could get you something..but why don't you start off by giving me something" i was like " i have nothing to give you" and he walked away....CREEPY.
So the kid who was pushing everyone and causing injuries was talking to us and trying to get us to go to his band's website....we were all sort of ignoring him. When we were getting in my car he kept yelling. We drove away ANNOYED as hell.
We then got a little lost in the streets of Detroit but found our way eventually. There was a traffic back-up on I-75 and we were waiting....but who do we pull up to? the fucking annoying kid that was pushing people. They started talking to us and i rolled up the window slowly and drove away. HAH!
So, yeah, that may possibly be the longest Lj entry in history.
Eat it up! I had fun!

(10 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

11:06pm 10/09/2004
mood: annoyed
SO today I got my bangs cut.
Now I am over Blair's.
We're going to watch either How
To Lose a Guy in 10 Days
How to Deal
...The whole "how" thing
was totally a coincidence.
+Free Cheese Bread from Hungry
Howie's thanks To Josh.

(1 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

Strike when ready.   
10:20pm 09/09/2004
mood: disappointed
So tomorrow I am getting my bangs cut. On Saturday I amdying my hair dark brown. So that's 2 of my 3 goals i am attempting to complete.

(for the cameraA>)

Five days and Counting...   
11:49pm 08/09/2004
mood: annoyed
Only 5 more days until i turn 20.
It's quite scary.
Tonight at worked sucked as usual. I have worked 6 hours for the last four nights. Tomorrow I work 4-8:30 and then on Friday and Saturday night I work 4 until 10. I'm not looking foward to it.
I am looking forward to the Hidden in Plain View concert on sunday at the Shelter with Linds, Ashlee and Jonnelle. Should be an awesome time.
September 23rd is the Senses Fail concert. That one should be extremely awesome. By the way go buy Senses Fail's new full-length -Let it Enfold You-
Buy their EP -From the Depths of Dreams- as well while you're at it, if you don't own them already, you're missing out big time.

So today I was in my car at Delta...and I realized something. All of the questioning to myself of why I don't have a boyfriend finally came clear to me. I sat there and looked at myself for few minutes and I realized how unattractive I actually am. Not that I thought I was glamorous before or anything....but today it just hit home.
I want to change myself...not only phsyically, but mentally and emotionally as well.
I want to dress more like a girl. As of now, I am resembling a 16 year old emo boy. I mean I like the way I dress....but I just want to wear nicer cothes once in a while...which is something I don't own.
I want to dye my hair dark brown and get bangs.
I want to lose weight. At least 15 pounds..that would make me feel so much more comfortable with myself.
So we'll see how long it takes to accomplish these goals.
It's not for you, it's for me.


(3 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

Lj Renovation   
12:33pm 07/09/2004
mood: artistic
Check out the new design for my Lj. Designed by Mrs. L. Awesome Job!

(1 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

03:20pm 06/09/2004
  (Let It Enfold You)

(1 will do most anything |for the cameraA>)

Longest LJ entry..ever.   
11:05am 06/09/2004
mood: bored
1. First Name: Nikki
2. Hair Color: a redish color with blond highlights
3. Middle Name: Joy
4. Hair Style: past my shoulders
5. Eye Color: brown.
6. Height: 5'6
8. Birthday: september 13
9. Zodiac Sign: vigro

1. Favorite Animal: cats
2. Favorite Sport: none.
3. Favorite Color(s): blue
4. Favorite Friend(s): blair, lindsey, ashlee
6. Favorite Song(s):too many to name
7. Favorite Movie Quote:
8. Favorite Store: don't have one
9. Favorite Feeling: feeling wanted
10. Favorite Shoe: my black and white pumas
11. Favorite Scent: Lilu from Pac Sun.
12. Do You Wear Make-Up?: yes
13. Which is more important, personality or looks?: inthe opposite sex, both
14. What kind of personality do you like in a guy/girl?: someone who's funny
15. Do you move fast or slow in a relationship?: slow? I guess? I haven't had a serious relationship to destinguish that question yet.
16. What is your idea of the perfect guy/girl?: when i see them i'll let you know.
17. Would you ever ask someone out?: nope
18. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: doesn't matter

Love, Life & Friends
1. What is the first thing you notice about somone?: teeth
2. When's the last time you cried?: umm....last week?
3. What do you want to be when you grow up?: vet or journalist
4. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: yes
5. How far have you gotten: naren't we nosey?
6. Do you like someone right now?: no
7. Do they know?:
8. Do you have a best friend?: yes

In the last week have you?
1. Had a serious talk?: somewhat.
2. Hugged someone?: yes.
3. Gotten along well with your parents?:yes
4. Fought with a friend?: no

Do you like to...
1. Do you like to give hugs? sure.
2. Give back rubs?: ino it's annoying
3. Take walks in the rain?: not really
4. Do you ever have one of those falling dreams?: yeah
5. What is on the walls of your room?: posters of the used aar, hidden in plain view, gob, thursday and a few others.
6. When you chew gum, what etc..kind?: don't matter
7. Do you use chap stick?: no

In the last month have/did you...
1. Drink?: no
2. Smoke?: nope.
3. Drugs?: no.
4. Have Sex?: no
5. Made Out?: yes
6. Go on a date?: yes
8. Go to the mall?: yes.
9. Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: no, which is surprising
10. Eaten sushi?: no
11. Been on stage?: no
12. Been dumped?: no.
13: Had someone unfaithful to you?: no
14. Watched The Smurfs?: no
15. Hiked a mountain?: no
16. Made homemade cookies?: no
17. Been in love?: no

More stuff.
1. Are you popular? no?
2. Are you pretty?: no.
4. What is your favorite word to say: don't have one
5. What is your favorite phrase to say?: seriously
6.what are you doing right now?: filling this out
7. What song are you listening to?: Matchbook Romance- Lovers and Liars
8. What are you wearing?: grey zip-up hoodie, hidden in plain view t-shirt, blue pajama pants

1. Cold or hot?: cold
2. Lace or satin?: satin?
3. Blue or Red?: blue.
4. New or old?: depends.
5. Rain or snow?: snow
6. Give or receive?: that depends on what we're talking about.
7. Wool or cotton?: cotton
8. Rose or Daisy?: rose.
9. Private school or public school?: Public.
10. Chocolate milk or plain milk?: chocolate.
11. Celsius or Fahrenheit?: fahrenheit.
12. Spring or Fall?: FALL
13. Inny or outty?: inny
14. Now or then?: Now.
15. How many fingers am I holding up?: ? wtf.
16. Scent?: ?
17. English or Math?: Math. english all the way.
18. Bath or shower?: Shower.
19. Bedtime phrase?: depends on when i get tired
20. Self-stick or lick?: Self stick.
21. Cursive or print?: Print.
22. Do you like surprises?: Sure..good ones
23. Paranoid or Cautious?: Cautious.
24. Heights or Crowds?: both
25. Half-full or half-empty?: Half empty.
26. Top or bottom?: ...
27. do you/Would you dye your hair?: i do
28. Speeding or running red lights?: Speeding.
29. Gold or silver?: Silver.
30. Bad habits?: crack my knuckles, bite my nail
31. Piercing?: ear twice, nose
32. Erogenous Zone(s)?: ?wtf.
33. "Maybe" or "Mebbe?": maybe.
35. What do you wish you'd done?: I don't know.
36. Fetish?: lip piercings
37. Do you have one of THOSE voices?: ?
38. Jammies or naked?: Jammies.
39. Neurotic or psychotic?: dunno.
40. Do you talk to yourself?: sure.


first grade teacher's name: Mrs. Platt
last word you said: goodbye
last song you sang: I'm Not Okay by My Chemical Romance
what's in your cd player: Silverstein- When Broken is Easily Fixed
what color socks are you wearing: none
what's under your bed: a shit load of old magazines
what time did you wake up today: 9:30AM
where do you want to go: anywhere but here
what is your career going to be: a vet or a journalist
where are you going to live: Michigan?
how many kids do you want: i'll know when i have them
what kind of car will you have: ford probe
current mood: bored
current music: My Chemical Romance
current taste: Grahm Cracker
current hair: ponytail
current smell: old perfume
current longing: i want to go to a concert
current desktop picture: Maddy and Aubrie
current favorite artist: don't have one
current color of toenails: black
current worry: working tonight
current crush: no one
current hate: nothing

1. what's the story behind your lj username? I love drive thru records and i added the #2 on the end?
2. name five [5] of your favorite foods. oh jeez...chips and salsa, cheesy broccoli soup from work, french fries, salads, cheese
3. have you ever had a makeover? no, i guess not
4. name all members of the beatles. george Harrison, paul mccartney, john lennon and ringo starr
5. what's the longest time you've stayed out of the country/where? that's a negative
6. one thing you're grateful for today: my computer.
7. Who have you seen in concert? Oh my goodness...this may take a while
My Chemical Romance
Senses Fail (twice)
Funeral For a Friend
The Bled
Spitalfield (three times)
The Early November (twice)
The Starting Line (twice)
The All American Rejects (twice)
The Academy
The Punchline
Less Than Jake
Home Grown
The Strokes (twice)
Letter Kills
From First to Last
Taking Back Sunday
The Kinison
Coheed and Cambria
Hidden in Plain View
Motion City Soundtrack
Ultra Ego
The Used
.....I think that's about all.
8. Next concert you plan on attending? Hidden In Plain View on Sept 12th and Senses Fail on Sept 23.

(for the cameraA>)